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Stories from the Frontline
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The Project
Stories shared by internal medicine physicians
at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania
The world is changing and we are at the frontline of a generation-defining pandemic. New, uncomfortable emotions and experiences are surfacing. We want to create a space to reflect, share, remember, and - most importantly - validate whatever reactions we are having. This is uncharted territory; Every week may be different. It's important to document how our perception of the situation continues to evolve. Each patient experience will stay with us, and many ethical grey zones are yet to come. The more we pour into our work, the greater the divide between ourselves and friends and family at home in isolation. This platform will bridge the gap.
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The call came a few days later. She asks me how I’m feeling. “Good, thanks for asking” I reply in my brightest voice. But as the words come out, I hear the tiniest bit of trepidation. She continues, “I’m glad you’re feeling well. I’m calling, however, to let you know that your send-out CoVID testing came back positive…” The facts of what happened made sense, but I start to question myself, wondering if my body betrayed me.
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"And as I heard my final 'I have another question...' of the day, all I could think was that I wish I had a better answer."
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"She asked me to hold her husband's hand as she sang to him over video. It was an honor that she would trust me to be a part of such an intimate moment."
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"I frequently oscillate between thinking I'm over- and under-reacting. Never quite comfortable with being somewhere in the middle. Never quite sure how to process any of this."
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The Guilt of Testing Positive
I questioned if I needed to be tested in the first place. I had been working on the night float service admitting patients from the ED–...
The Ritual
as I prepare to leave the hospital the ritual begins I wash my hands wipe down my phone, my badge I clean my computer, my workstation for...
The End of COVID
I long for the day when you can touch my hand again my laughter will bubble up burst from my lips float in the wind to the top of the...
The Sounds in the Background
Whoosh, whoosh The sound of the washing machine churns as I attempt to prechart on my 10 patients for the day. This is my second full...
"You Qualify for Testing"
I got an email on Thursday that I had been exposed without the proper PPE. “You qualify for testing,” the email read. “Please schedule...
Masked Identities
A sauna envelops my mouth and nose. I remember the first few times I wore surgical masks – as a medical student on a surgery rotation – I...
You stay safe out there, okay?
A homeless man calls out to me on my walk home. Shit. I never know what to do in these situations. I have no food or toiletries to offer,...
Facetime in the ICU
I've been treating a patient for about a week now who went into cardiac arrest at home. His wife has not been able to visit because of...
Marching In
There is an organized line wrapping around the hospital and spilling into the sidewalk as we approach the start of our 07:00am shifts. We...
Little Feats
It was the perfect post-call day. Nothing is more satisfying than taking a long, hot shower after a 28-hour shift; to physically and...
Am I Overreacting? Underreacting?
My highschool friends surprised me with a thoughtful letter and generous gift card, “in gratitude for [my] selfless, tireless service of...
A Better Answer
On my day off I found myself sitting in a cubicle at the local COVID-19 phonebank. As I donned my headset and clicked “answer” I had no...
The Build-Up Is Real
It’s hard to appreciate the gravity of the situation because a lot feels theoretical, but the threat is so real. It’s predicted that in...
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Questions about this project? Interested in helping out?
Please contact Michelle Silver, MD and Alex Linn, MD for further inquiries!
michelle.silver@pennmedicine.upenn.edu | alexandra.linn@pennmedicine.upenn.edu
Views expressed in these stories are those of individuals and do not represent those of the University of Pennsylvania Health System of the Perelman School of Medicine
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